Posts from the ‘Challenge’ Category

My thoughts and feelings

Gavin’s appointment with Dr.R left me with a migraine I didn’t have going into the appointment, still in a Fibro-flare, and feeling completely emotionally and mentally drained. Narcolepsy aside, it’s been a struggle to keep my eyes open ever since I got home. I wasn’t expecting things to be so exhausting. I’ll know better next time.

I don’t like the idea of Gavin being on Lithium; however, if it’s what necessary to help Gavin and hopefully make our lives a little calmer, then we’ve gotta do what we’ve gotta do.

The Seroquel scares the pants off me; I’m not going to lie. The fact that it’s very possible for the facial tics to be permanent – that’s the last thing Gavin needs, is something else to overcome.

I worry about the long-term side effects that we may not be aware of, of all of the medications Gavin is on currently and has been on in the past.

I feel horrible saying this but I wish this were happening to someone else’s baby, not mine. Not just because it’s exhausting to parent a child with special needs such as Gavin’s but also because I can’t imagine what it must be like for him. Never knowing for sure if the voices he hears talking to him are real or in his head. I’ve always had compassion for John Nash, his story about life with schizophrenia is portrayed in the movie “A Beautiful Mind”, when he asks a student at the end of the movie if she can see a gentleman who is talking to him. Now that I have a child with much the same problem and concern; it is a whole different kind of compassion.

The Dr. R list

Not to pop the “Emmett John said his 1st word” bubble of happiness; but Gavin and I are currently sitting in Dr. R’s waiting area, awaiting our turn to discuss his current possible psychotic break. To give you some insight as to where we current stand with Gavin and what concerns us most; here is the list of things I’m going to try and bring up in 15-20 minutes.

    Pattie believes 100% that Gavin is hearing voices.

    He’s become very, very easily agitated.

    He wakes up in the middle of the night to perform his “shows”, which are imaginary plays that he either physically acts out or plays in his head.

    He’s developing pretty bad facial ticks. When talks now he does so with his teeth bared, not clenched just bared.

    He’s started to do more stimming behaviors like finger flapping and hand waving.

    He’s hearing voices again and he frequently calls out to us to make sure we are talking to him and not “the others”.

    He’s unable to do simple tasks most of the time.

    His behavior is becoming more child-like, almost to the point of being a toddler.

    His speech and behavior are regressing again and I’m worried he might have the regressive form of Autism.

    His outbursts are becoming more aggressive – not toward anyone yet, just in general.

So there’s the list. We’re sitting here, still awaiting. Except there are twin teenage boys sitting here now eating McDonald’s for lunch, which is making it infinitely more difficult to sit here. =(

I’ll be sure to update when I’m done seeing Dr. R.

* posted on the fly w/o the use of proper editing tools 😉 *

~ Lizzeann

Happy 4th of July!

Gavin, Trisha the Sista and will be spending the beginning of ours in the local Children’s Hospital.

Gavin was searching through the toybox this morning and in his search he poked/speared himself in the right eye with a large piece of plastic race track. Once he stopped screaming and flailing long enough for me to look at it the slice in his cornea was plain as day.

So off we go. I’ll update as I am able. Please send up some prayers because this is going to require that he be restrained at some point.

* posted on the fly w/o the use of proper editing tools 😉 *

~ Lizzeann

Power Surge

There’s currently a power surge running through my living room. “Running” isn’t accurate. “Jumping” is better. Plus, I don’t know a whole lot about power and power surges but I would think that energy being live current that it would jump etc. That’s what’s going on here.

Its totally been one of those days with Gavin. Everything was fine until Emmett John and I got home from taking the ‘Big Man on Campus’ (aka Elliott Richard) to Day Camp.

We got home. I parked the car and got out. Then I heard it. A tiny little voice from above, calling my name.

“Hi, Mommy! Look Mommy! Hi!”

I wasn’t lucky enough for the voice to belong an Angel of Mercy. It was Gavin.


Otherwise known as standing on the sill and leaning into/onto the window.

That’s dangerous enough but when he’s jumping on that same window sill…it’s a miracle he hasn’t fallen through the window!

Unfortunately, this set the tone for his entire day.

{This post was found on my phone unpublished. (Oops!) So this happened a few days ago, not Saturday, July 2, 2010.}

* posted on the fly w/o the use of proper editing tools 😉 *

~ Lizzeann

Wishcasting Wednesday

How ironic that this week’s Wishcasting Wednesday question is:

What do you wish for your well-being?

I wish I weren’t drowning in this depression and having a nervous breakdown because of it.

Unconscious Mutterings

Rules for Unconscious Mutterings

“Rules are, there are no rules.” Each week they post ten words to the blog which you can respond to with the first thing that comes to mind. Don’t limit yourself to one word responses; just say everything that pops into your head. AND you don’t have to have your words up on Sunday. Take all week if you want! 

This is Week 387 for them but Week #1 for me. And away we go!

  1. Collectors :: stamps, Precious Moments, journals and pens (Oh my!)
  2. Passion :: love, marriage, connections
  3. Winner :: loser, competition
  4. Uninhibited :: bold, blunt, honest
  5. Challenge :: dare, compete, memes
  6. Self :: respect, know thy self, quest for self
  7. Your :: family, life, future
  8. Viewer :: television, peeping tom
  9. Random :: empty, open, available
  10. Vice :: Miami, smoking, junk food

Yeah, so some of these makes sense to the world at large. Most of them don’t even make sense to me, so I don’t really expect them to make sense to anyone else. They are just my answers. Perhaps I’ll get more detailed as I grow accustomed to the feel of the meme.

Failure to Launch

Okay, so I had grand dreams of participating in February’s Nablopomo. I had every intention of posting every day. Truly I did. It just wasn’t meant to be.

For starters, Dr. T doubled my dose of Lyrica in an attempt to stop the raging fibro flares I was suffering through in their tracks. He was also hoping to prevent any future flares. So far, it seems to be helping, which means it’s also knocking me out shortly after 9am, 3pm and 9pm for about 3 hours or so every day. Eventually, this will taper off until then posting is rather difficult because I have real life “Mommy” things to try and get done in those few short hours before my next dose. Blogging, unfortunately, just seems to fall to the side with all of the sleeping and Mommy-scrambling.

Had I known ahead of time that I would be doubling my dose I wouldn’t have tried to take on Nablopomo this month. Oh well, lesson learned I suppose. Besides, there’s always March, right? (lol)