”thursday-13″

1.) I’m hoping for a day in the future … when my daily and/or weekly dose of drama will be limited to “Mom, he won’t share that toy!” or one of my neighbors getting drunk and running her mouth.

2.) I’m hoping for a day in the future … when Emmett John will not be a medical mystery. He will not have any specialists and will only need to see Dr. H for well baby visits and the occasional sick visits.

3.) I’m hoping for a day in the future … when I can write what I want, when I want on my blog and not worry about who is reading it.

4.) I’m hoping for a day in the future … when I can pay my balance off to John (my attorney) and not have someone (who shall remain nameless – we all know who though) file something else. At which point, my balance will return again because John has to prepare to fight, again. It gets old.

5.) I’m hoping for a day in the future … when Elliott Richard will decided that he no longer “likes to be pee-pee soaped” and he wants to use the potty. Then we will only have Mr. Emmett John to put in diapers. And we will also be able to put Elliott Richard into pre-school, which I know he would love.

6.) I’m hoping for a day in the future … when Dr. T is able to find a medication or combination of medications that works to not only keep the pain from getting worse but also lessen it to some extent. That would be amazing.

7.) I’m hoping for a day in the future … when the boys could spend the night away from home – some with their Aunt Trisha and Uncle John and some with their Grandma and Pa-Pa G – so that Rob and I can get away from home for a weekend. We haven’t been away from home (hospital/NICU stays so do not count) since our first wedding anniversary, which was Thursday September 3, 2004 if your curious.

8.) I’m hoping for a day in the future … when I am secure enough in myself as an artist and a woman that I can sit and loose myself in my art and not be weighed down by thoughts of “It’s not good enough” or “It’s not perfect” or “Crap! It’s all crap”…you get the general idea. I want to just get lost in my art and not care what anyone thinks; including myself.

9.) I’m hoping for a day in the future … when I don’t need a therapist anymore. A day when I’ve put all the horrific pieces of the puzzle that is my life back together. The pieces I’ve carried with me for the past 20+ years. The pieces I’ve fought to hide out of shame for things I didn’t do. The pieces I only see in nightmarish flashbacks when I sleep. Someday I’ll have them all put together and I won’t be haunted anymore.

10.) I’m hoping for a day in the future … when Rob and I have managed to survive the Terrorist 3’s. I’m also hoping for that same day in the future … when all three boys have also managed to survive the Terrorist 3’s. (Whoever dubbed them the “Terrible 3’s” was clearly either on crack, had never raised a child of their own or had been blessed with one of those rare children that didn’t become a Terrorist between the ages of 2 and 1/2 and oh say 9 – since Gavin is still a Terrorist at times and I don’t know when it will wear off.)

11.) I’m hoping for a day in the future … when we are able to set up a routine and get into a groove and the slightest little thing doesn’t throw everything out of whack.

12.) I’m hoping for a day in the future … when my boys will grow up to be men. They will be happy and healthy doing whatever it is that they chose in life. I don’t care their preference in partner or job. I don’t care where they live, although I’d like it to be somewhat close to where ever we are. I just want them happy and healthy – in all ways. (Since obviously #10 needs tohappen first in order for this one to take place. lol)

13.) I’m hoping for a day in the future … when I’m spending far less time dreaming of the future and planning for it and a whole lot more time actually living in it.

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***Edited to say*** Okay, so I meant to finish this before it auto-posted at 8:00 pm on Thursday. Obviously, that didn’t happen. lol Sorry about that. So now it is 9-ish am on Saturday – just a few days late – and I’m finishing it because the idea of a partially finished post on my blog is driving me crazy. lol

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