Okay so I’ve made reference to Emmett John’s future as a Torture Specialist in the Military. It would now appear that he wishes to branch out. Apparently, Mr. Emmett John feels that job is too narrow in it’s description and he is seeking to pad his resume a bit. You see Emmett John has 4 teeth, nay razor blades, 2 top and 2 bottom making a nice little razor blade vice grip. Now I’ve nursed two babies before Emmett John. Both of them had teeth of their very own while nursing. Both of them bit me exactly once, apiece. Period. It went something like this:

….nursing….
*BITE*
I SCREAM!
Gavin and/or Elliott Richard jump and begin to cry but never bite me again.

With Emmett John it’s a little different. It goes something like this:

….nursing….
*BITE & CLAMP*
I SCREAM & BURST into TEARS!
Emmett John grins and giggles while refusing to release my nipple from his razor blade vice.

So it appears to me that my precious little miracle baby is a sado-masochistic torture specialist in training. He’s even injured me and I can’t figure out how to make it stop. I think I’m going to have to wean him long before originally planned but what more can I do?

Oh, where are my injuries you ask? Well, I’ll leave you with this photo from NBC’s “The Office” (one of my absolute favorite shows) and allow you to use your imaginations from there…

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