So much of our lives for the past 8 years has been wrapped up in Gavin. Now he is coming unraveled and taking our family down with him. I have called everyone I know to call. I’m waiting to hear back. I’m at a complete loss. I don’t know what to do. I, me personally, need to break-down. I need some help. I’m not likely to get any. I think Emmett’s fussy period is because I’m so stressed out. I’m worried that if I can’t get a break, get some help, or something then my milk supply is going to suffer. That may seem like a silly thing to worry about given everything else that we have going on but it’s important to me. Breastfeeding is important to Emmett and important to me to be able to give him that advantage.

This blog does absolutely nothing to convey exactly how lost I feel. I’m sitting here watching everything fall apart and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. I love being a wife and mother more than anything else and I know I’m completely useless in both regards lately. My patience is gone. I’m falling short on keeping up with stuff. My marriage is suffering. We are about to be faced with some very difficult decisions and I’m so worried that they will tear my marriage apart.

I honestly don’t know what to do…I am completely and utterly lost.