I am a hormonal mess. Of course, I’m 30 weeks and 6 days pregnant but still. I feel silly for being so filled with all these emotions. I honestly don’t know how I am able to hold all of these emotions.

One of my absolute favorite television shows is “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit”. I love it because with my history of being abused there’s nothing quite like watching a show where the bad guys are caught, justice is swift and “the system” works to protect the right people (rather than protecting the low-lifes). Usually I can handle the cases covered in the show because I know that somehow, some way in the end justice will be had.

Lately, the cases are getting to me. I just watched an episode where a 16 year old girl went to NYC seeking an abortion. By the time she saw the doctor she was 24 weeks and the abortion was illegal. I only half watched the episode, although I’ve seen it before (there are very few SVU and CI episodes I haven’t seen), because I was distracted by my own thoughts. I just don’t understand it. And I admit it, I shed a tear for the situation as a whole.

Another show Rob and I really enjoy is “Bones”, which is based on the life of an actual woman. Last night was the Season Finale and I cried through the whole thing. I won’t say what happened in case anyone watches and hasn’t had a chance to watch it yet but it just tore me up emotionally. Rob kept asking me if I was okay because I was so emotional over the whole thing. I didn’t feel so bad about being emotional over “Bones” though because at least it’s about an actual person, which means these things took place at some point.

It’s all just so over-whelming right now. I’m trying to help Xander grow as long as possible. I haven’t slept in what seems like forever. My back is killing me. My ex-mother-in-law couldn’t seem to care less about the fact that Tiny’s life is at risk with her playing these games. (See below for more info.) I’m trying desperately to get my Etsy store up and running but it’s slow going and a lot harder than I planned on. “The Leak” has gotten worse and now parts of our walls are actually rotting out completely. We still have no idea how we will be able to afford to fix this. We don’t qualify for the city grants that are available because we owe city taxes. And can I just say that I never realized how much Noggin shows could wear down a person’s sanity! If I have to hear one more high-pitched cartoonie laugh…well, it won’t be pretty.

The Legal Update: My ex-mother-in-law has filed a second contempt motion against me claiming that I refuse to have contact with her and have cut off her visitations with Gavin. Anyone who knows me or knows the situation knows that’s a flat out lie. Nick and I exchanged email addresses. He stopped responding to my emails when I told him he was over-stepping boundaries. I’m not refusing to have contact with her, to my knowledge she hasn’t tried to contact me. Plus Rob, Nick and I decided a year ago that she would fill the grandparent role and nothing more. That it isn’t her job to try and be Gavin’s mother, he already has one of those…ME! She’s asking to make-up all the visits she missed over the past year. So she basically wants to make up roughly 25 Friday – Sunday unsupervised visits, a few holidays and 2 weeks this summer (on top of the 2 weeks and every other weekend unsupervised visits she feels entitled to). PLUS wants another 30 days of jail time and an additional $250.00 in fines. Apparently she’s forgetting that we all signed an agreement stating that they would only have supervised visits and that would only change if/when Gavin’s psychologist decided it should change. But it’s just that fact that now she filed it. Oh and the continuance we were ranted…it requires me to be in court 8 DAYS after my due date!!!!! That’s unreal!

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