Today has been particularly rough for me. I feel like I am starting to crack. I am trying to take care of everyone and it’s overwhelming to say the least.

Lizze has a new full time job and that is keeping Tiny in the oven as long as possible…. She was the glue that held us all together. Now that she is effectivly out of the picture for the next few monthes I have some big shoes to fill.

I am chasing after Elliott Richard all day long. He is into absolutely everything.. Lizze keeps trying to help which stresses me out even more because she shouldn’t be. Gavin is, well, Gavin. In a perfect world Gavin alone would be overwhelming. I am trying to run a business so we can financially survive and stay on top of everything else. Business could be going better. We are in the time of year where the house’s are just starting to go up again…Things will get busier this summer but I will have to sub all the punch out work out because Lizze will need me at home.

I am trying to focus my limited efforts on the computer repair and video processing side of our business because I can do that out of my home office. My Microsoft projects should start becoming available again in the coming months. I have been working for them for almost 10 years now and really enjoy it. My favorite is the Microsoft Office Accounting phase. I am really good at that and have recieved many awards for my work on that project. ***links removed to protect the family from crazies*** But over the past few years I haven’t had as much time to dedicate to them as I would have liked. I have a feeling time will become harder to come by in the near future….

I just lost my medic card today. It expired on March 29, 2008. I have tried not to think about that because it is really depressing. Working as a medic was the only thing I had left from my career as a fire/medic. For those new here, I had an accident about 7 years ago while on a call. I destroyed my back and found out that I have degenerative disc through out my spine (not a good thing). I have been in constant pain since the accident. I have become used to it so I don’t always notice it. However, it is always there, slowly eating away at me. I still managed to work as a medic for a few years after to take care of Lizze and Gavin but with everything we had going on it became to much. Next to being a husband and father it was the best job I’d ever had.
I have continued to keep my card up to date hoping maybe someday I would be able to use it but it is to expensive to renew this time around. I just can’t justify spending $500 on something I may never use again…. I am really sad because it feels like a part of me has died…

I am really struggling to hold everything together…I can’t remember anything anymore. The worst part of my day is having to give Lizze her injections. She is terrifed of needles and here I am injecting her twice a day. Her arms are all bruised up and I hate the fact that I did that to her. I know it’s important but it doesn’t make it any easier. She starts and ends her day with an injection. I really admire her strength and courage because she faces one of her biggest fears twice a day… She even tries to make me feel better about giving them to her.. Amazing, isn’t she…

Elliott has his 2 year check up in the morning and guess what, he is getting several shots plus a finger prick to test for lead. I am not looking forward to that.

Gavin is going to Lizze’s mother’s for awhile. Between our parents they are going to carry the Gavin load for some time. This break is so crucial because the stress in the house is simply unbelievable. It’s not in Gavin’s best intrest to be here right now, nor is it in ours to have him here. So a big thanks go out to our parents.

I am done for now becasue my head is pounding and Lizze is due for her heprin injection at 8:00 pm. I have to get Elliott down and then I have dishes and laundry to do…

Please continue to pray for Lizze that she can make it through the next 115 days with as few complications and health risks as possible. Also for Tiny, Gavin and Elliott…
Sorry, if this didn’t make sense but my head hurts and it pretty much made sense to me as I was typing. I am not meaning to complain about my responsiblity I just sometimes get ovrwhelmed like I seem to be today……Venting seems to help…..
Thanks 4 listening……

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