I know in past posts I’ve told bits and pieces of Elliott Richard’s story but I want to take a moment and tell you his whole story.

Labor & Delivery.
The Aftermath.

In February 2005, Rob and I found out that we were pregnant. I was over the moon! But something was off. The pregnancy tests couldn’t seem to make up their minds. Positive. Negative. Faint Positive. I was worried but at the same time, I wasn’t because of my experience with Gavin’s pregnancy and pregnancy tests. Just like with Gavin’s pregnancy I thought this one would go to term. It never crossed my mind that I would miscarry. And that’s exactly what happened.

I was crushed.

Then on March 24, 2005, I saw my OB/GYN at the time (not Dr. D). I was having issues with my cycles staying regular and whatnot even before the miscarriage. I went expecting to hear that my hormone levels were out of whack or something similar. What I heard was devasting.

This woman, with no bed side manner, walked in the exam room. Looked at me. Said, “We don’t know why but your infertile. You won’t ever conceive again.” I don’t think I even asked questions. And I don’t remember the rest of the appointment. My life had shattered in that moment.

In the weeks following the miscarriage, I was a mess. I fell apart. Even after having Gavin, I didn’t realize how attached you become to that tiny person from the get-go. And then a month later, I’ve got this woman turning my lift upside down again. It killed me.

Slowly, time moved on. Constantly marching forward no matter how much we drag our feet. Time moved on. Rob moved on. And slowly over time, so did I.

Then in July 2005, I woke up one morning and Rob said, “I think you need to pee on a stick.” I just looked at him. How could he say that? What sick joke was this he was playing? But I’ve learned over the past 7 years to listen to Rob’s gut. More often than not, it’s usually right. So I went in the bathroom and I peed on a stick that we had left over from before March 24, 2005. Then I walked away. I wasn’t going to stand there and have my heart broken again. I couldn’t do that.

Imagine my surprise when I went back in the bathroom and saw two pink lines.

Rob and I were absolutely terrified when those two pink lines showed up. I honestly don’t know if he really expected them to show up. I’ve never asked him. I know I didn’t. He ran out and bought a set of the digital tests that say either “pregnant” or “not pregnant” so that we could eliminate human error. (As any woman who has tried to conceive can testify to, when you pee on the stick…you twist it, you turn it, you hold it up to the light, you look at it in the dark. Some women even take pictures and make it a “negative” photo to look for lines. Any line that shows up with the control line, is cause for hope.)

I waited a few hours and then peed on one of the digital sticks. We watched and waited while that stupid little hourglass icon flashed at us. I felt like it was mocking us. “Ha ha! You think you’re actually pregnant?! Ha ha!” I swear that stupid little hourglass flashed at us for what felt like forever! Then, finally, it stopped. It stopped. It disappeared. And “Pregnant” appeared.


I know my heart stopped. We were pregnant.