As of 7pm Monday, September 24, 2007, my Uncle Jimmy could no longer continue his battle with cancer and has died. Over the weekend they found more masses and believe his cancer had continued to spread. I went with my mom on today to see him in the Medical ICU. He didn’t look like the Uncle Jimmy I remember. Granted we had a falling out nearly 5 years ago and I haven’t seen him since, something I greatly regret, but he still didn’t look the same. He was on a CPAP breathing machine, which is a step down from a ventilator. It was assisting his breathing but not completely breathing for him. He hated it. His plurisy wasn’t improving. My daddy said that at 4:30 pm the Respitory doctor told him and my Aunt Cathy that the plurisy had basically taken over my Uncle’s lungs, his kidneys were shutting down and he was too weak to fight. She made the choice every wife dreads. She took him off the CPAP and asked his doctors to make him as comfortable as possible.

I’m so glad that I went to the hospital today and saw him. While I was there I gave my Aunt Cathy a hug, told her I loved her and apologizied for the falling out 5 years ago. I’m glad I did that. Not that it matters. Not that it’s what any of this is about. It’s just good for me to know I guess. His death is hitting me harder than I thought it would. I think it’s a lot of unresolved stuff from when my Grandmother died 5 years ago coming back. (Yes, the falling out had to do in part with my Grandmother’s death.) I think it’s partly because I just got my older sister Trisha in my life within the last year and I know that loosing her would absolutely devistate me beyond words so I can only imagine what this must be doing to my daddy. I think it’s partly because this now leaves my daddy without any blood realitives that he’s close to and that makes me sad for him. Plus it’s just the fact that I’ve lost my uncle. He was a good man. He died a painful death. No one deserves that. At least no good person deserves that.

Uncle Jimmy, I love you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that. I hope you knew how much I really loved you. I’m sorry for the mess 5 years ago. I hope you knew that too. Tell Granny I love her. Give her a big hug and kiss for me. I miss you. I’m glad you aren’t in any more pain. You really didn’t deserve that. I love you.

Advertisements